You’re probably thinking — “What the hell is this, that’s not your fiance.”You’re absolutely right, it’s not.
Do you want to hear something even weirder than that? I have no idea who the hell this woman is. Let me explain.
Exactly 367 days ago the random woman changed my life.
Maybe it was her eyes. Maybe it was her lips. Maybe it was her smile.
For all I know it was my own crazy manifestation to rationalize a similarity to someone I didn’t even know.
Before I go any further, I still have no idea who this woman is, and I don’t remember her name (or at least the name on her dating app where we met.)
I Was A Very Busy Man
I was Crushing Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid like it was my job. I used to test different creative, funny and weird things with girls for hours a day.
Before you get crazy, I wasn’t manipulative, mean or misleading. That’s not what this is about. In all honestly I just enjoyed creative writing and I’m fairly certain 95% of the women had better days and more laughs from me. So you’re welcome.
This is funny writing about this now since I have been making a transition into becoming a copywriter, which makes perfect sense.
I guess I was practicing my copywriting skills on women ages 24-35 within 5 miles of Manhattan.
For the record, those of you who are still in the dating game, Bumble is the way to go. Also, if you could please swipe a few rights in my honor, please and thank you.
As I was sleep walking my way through the same old dating profiles from hundreds of women in NYC comparing themselves to princesses who are looking for their knight in shining armor, I came across a random girl who changed my life.
For the record, you realize princesses were basically kept captive right? They were beaten, told what to do their entire life, and someone else picked who they got to marry?
The knights weren’t such great catches either. Sure they weren’t all bad but they sure as hell weren’t saints. When these dudes weren’t at war the raised hell and trotted around with the “I’m just going to take whatever I want” kind of attitude.
That doesn’t sound like the start of a Nicholas Sparks book to me. Anyway, back to my love story.
I Was A Big Baby
I met this girl in college and I thought she was one of the most beautiful people I ever met in my life. Her smile and energy lit up the entire room.
The funny part was, I didn’t even know her. At the time I was in a relationship, but even after that relationship ended I was too intimidated to talk to her.
Like most dudes, the more you I liked a girl the harder it was for me to strike up a conversation. My expectations were much higher and the fear of rejection becomes even more terrifying.
Every guy knows this feeling from some point in their life. Normal people problems.
As a little side note: Later down the road this actually prompted me to read ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss and dive into the dark world of ‘pick-up.’ But that’s a story for another time.
It is actually an awesome book and I highly recommend you read it. Neil is an amazing author and the stories are fantastic.
A few years passed and nothing happened. We never connected. We never talked.We both went on living our lives.
We saw each other once in passing at homecoming. Our conversation couldn’t have been more that 2 minutes, which was just enough time for me repeat “Don’t fuck this up,” about 6 times to myself.
Then we parted ways so I could slap myself in the face, call myself a pussy, chug a few Swiftkicks and pick up a random girl.
This Literally Changed My Life
In July of 2015, I went to San Diego for an event run by Steve Krebs and Luka Hocevar. This event literally changed my life. On my flight back home to New York City, I mapped out my entire plan for taking the leap I’ve wanted to take for years.
I decided not to live my life regretting something that I didn’t have the balls to try it because of times in my past that I’ve failed.
I didn’t want to ever think “what if” for the rest of my life.
In 6 months, I decided I was moving to California. Everything was set, I had a place to live and I knew what I had to do in the meantime.
I stopped crushing the online dating. In fact, I actually started to hate it and would only do it occasionally but every date I went on was so unfulfilling. I realized this is when I wanted out and I wanted out fast.
But there was still one big “what if” lurking around in the back of my head.
I still never really talked to that beautiful girl I met in college. I never talked to Lauren. And ‘what if’ there was something there?
Some random girl on OkCupid who I never met or talked to in my entire life gave me an in.
Whether they actually looked similar or not it didn’t matter to me, this was my in. So I screenshotted this picture and sent a message to Lauren on Facebook.
We chatted for a week or two until our first date. Less than 1 week later we had our second date and I told her I was ‘supposed’ to move in a few months.
Less than 1 week later we had our second date and I told her I was ‘supposed’ to move in a few months. When I told her this I already made up my mind. I wasn’t moving anymore. Not if this was going to keep going the way it was.
The only reason I said something was to gauge her reaction to it.
- No reaction? Ok, maybe this isn’t what I thought.
- Concerned reaction? Ok, maybe this is exactly what I thought.
During our second date adventures while eating fish tacos at Calexico (my favorite fish tacos.) Lauren was telling me stories of her kids at school, I had two emotional atomic bombs drop in my head…
- She was a saint and I could never be a teacher.
- This was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
I never moved to California and that girl I met in college, who I was scared to talk to for years, is my fiance.
Earlier in this article, I said I love the women the women in this picture. What I really mean is that I am so thankful for her because she gave me the ‘in’ that I needed.
I wrote this because 367 days ago was when we first Lauren and I reconnected. I was going to send this picture to her because it’s been 1-year and I started writing a short post to go along with it and here we are.
Here’s Why You Should Care
There’s no catch to this story. It has absolutely nothing to do with fitness and even less to do with getting into great shape.
There are no obvious points or action steps to take. That’s the point. These tough decisions in life aren’t always obvious and sometimes they’re painful.
In fact, I’m actually making you do work.
I want you to read between the lines, and I want you to think.
As Tim Ferriss of “The Four Hour Work Week” has said, “A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”
Sometimes we need a little kick in the ass to get started.
That might mean finally making the commitment to go to the gym, hire a trainer, start a company, write a book, or in my case spending a ton of money to go to an event that got me past a few self-limiting barriers so I could ask the hot girl on a date.
This is your official kick in the ass — consider this permission to do whatever it is.
You know those stupid, ridiculous, made up stories we tell ourselves that aren’t true. Don’t listen to them anymore. Those are the things that are holding you back from being awesome and feeling awesome.
On any given day if you get that unsettling ‘what if’ feeling in your gut, this might give you the little extra boost that could change your life.
Maybe it’s good, maybe it’s bad. Either way, you won’t be saying ‘what if’. If you found yourself saying “damn, what if I did X” please share this with one friend. Just one.
Two dates, a stranger on a dating app, fish tacos, and fishy kisses. I want to Thank you for reading my 0% fitness related blog, I appreciate you.
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